How do you co-parent with a man who most often than not refuses to speak to OUR children together when confronting them with a concern? Who most often than not refuses to discuss any “big” decisions regarding OUR boys? Who most often than not disregards my perspective as it relates to OUR boys? Tell me please, how do you co-parent? Let me give you a few, what I feel significant, examples of times I have struggled:
1.) T was in 6th grade and wanting a phone. I was not comfortable at the time fulfilling this want. Allow me to back track a bit. D was in 7th grade when we allowed him to get a phone. The circumstance being he was going on a school trip out of state and had a fairly significant history of separation anxiety. So we made the leap, and provided him with a phone. With good intentions as most parents do, we vowed to closely monitor his activity on the phone, know passwords, etc, etc. Honestly, try as we did, it wasn’t quite that easy and before long it all got away from us. I felt like I totally lost control. As a result, second go around, I was determined to be better, learn from my mistakes. My ex husband was crystal clear on my stance of not wanting T to have a phone. A brief conversation one particular day this was conveyed with clarity. However, it fell on deaf ears as the following morning I received a text with T’s new phone number.
Please tell where co-parenting resides in this example?
2.) The day came when D was ready to buy a car. We agreed to help D, significantly. My ex-husband took him to test drive a specific car D had found on-line. Actually my ex-husband would not take him until he had found several cars on-line he was interested in test driving. Side note – I think this was more about my ex-husband being lazy than anything else. They called from a dealership just a few short hours later ready to purchase a car – the first one they saw. I felt it had too many miles, and suggested they look at a few more. My ex-husband responded with “He wants this car. I am not going to argue with him. I don’t have much time. I have someplace I need to be.” And that was that. D had his new car.
Is this co-parenting?
3.) T had mentioned he was the only one without social media. He honestly didn’t have much interest..so I thought. Until he friend requested me on Instagram. He apparently went to his dad for permission who thought it was no big deal. When I asked my ex-husband to please talk with me about our son joining social media in the future, his response was “Come on . It’s Instagram and we have his password. Please stop. Everything doesn’t have to be the sky is falling. It’s really ok.” A follow up phone call to this text included him asking “Do I need to call you to find out if the color sneakers I buy him is ok too?”
Is there any hint of co-parenting in this scenario?
Please. Please let me know. Let me know how you manage to co-parent. I feel as though I have tried so hard, so much and it’s starting to make me really angry. And resentful.