Changing careers. Directions. A new path? I have so much to ponder lately. Selling my home in about a year; and the stark reality that a year is not very long. D leaving for college in five months; and yet another hard reality that five months feels like five minutes. T choosing a high school. The empathetic pressure I hold for him. And now, the possibility of me changing course with my career.
As I mentioned it to D last night, he felt it may be difficult to change careers at my age. He so boldly stated “Mom at age 43 it may be tough.” Further explaining a younger generation will have the upper-hand when it comes to applying for new jobs. Instantly feeling as though a challenge had been presented, I felt an overwhelming feeling of “No way. Hell no.” My perseverance, dedication, commitment, and willingness to push limits can serve me well at times. And this time will be no exception. IF I choose to take a new path.
Is this the right time? How will a new job affect my application for a new mortgage next year? And with this question, my mind panics with the knowledge that I will be setting off alone to purchase a new home. There is definitely a sense of empowerment, a feeling that evokes strength. But, fear is walking alongside as well.
I work with children. My job has a deep purpose. But my manager has created an environment in which we all feel stressed, unheard, defeated in many ways, manipulated, and lied to. She is not the reason I am there; And I point this out to myself many times as I try to find the truest answer to my questions “Is this the time to change careers? Should I change careers?”
We celebrated a fellow employee’s retirement last night. Our team of fifteen women shared stories, laughed, and reflected on our career of serving, of creating change, of touching lives. This dinner made me question myself hard about my decision. I realize I can not make a knee-jerk decision based on my manager just as much as I can’t make a knee-jerk decision based on a dinner.
What to do? What to do?