Looking Back

It’s been a few weeks. My mind has gone astray. Yet so much to write, so much to say. What’s become apparent to me is how much perspective I gain when looking back. In the moment I’m stifled, but later I am free. And in this time of feeling free, I am able to relish in the memory. To learn what I need to learn. To strengthen my soul, my being. To realize my mistakes and clear my judgment.

I crossed the finish line of the Marine Core Marathon. 26.2 miles. (Actually, according to my brother’s Garmin, it was more like 26.7 miles!). Confident going into the race, albeit nervous, I started out well. Temperatures reaching 80 degrees, humidity making all runners that much more sticky and wet, I ran well. Until mile 18 or 19. Starting to fade, my strength, my knees and back aching, I started to walk. With small jogging intervals in-between and self-talk that included more of “I can’t believe this. I don’t think I can do it” than it should have, I none-the-less placed one foot in front of the other. Scenarios of having to tell family and friends I did not finish, replayed in my mind. My stomach felt sick. Knowing I needed nutrition, I tried to replenish but my body refused. The noise of people cheering along the populated streets, the music, all of it felt like sensory overload. I worried about the fine line I was walking between determination and requiring a medic. Fully aware anxiety can blur that line. My face spoke of defeat. Reaching the top of the last hill, short but steep, I started to jog. Crossing the finish line greeted by many Marines all smiles shaking the hands of those that managed to get to the “other” side, I continued with a feeling of sadness. I slowly and not proudly walked towards a Marine who placed the medal over my head. Smiling so slightly, he offered more of a laugh back at me. He, I am sure, has ran a true race of endurance. Protecting our country. And he most probably has witnessed more than I could ever imagine. Yet, he and all of his fellow Marines cheered us on this day, supporting us, encouraging us, pushing us. And looking back, I still understand how I felt. I know I didn’t reach my goal. I know why I felt defeated. But I now know, it was an amazing day full of lessons and gifts and love.

Over the past four years, I can look back and see more clearly what was happening. In the moment, it was blurry. Looking back, it is clear. There are always moments of hope, goodness, happiness. Sometimes it takes looking back in order to be able to appreciate and relish in them.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Relish

Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 2

Being a mom has become a dream come true. An intense range of emotions. A myriad of feelings. A puzzle, a challenge, a journey, a gift. It’s what I have always wanted to be.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”
― Donna Ball

 

Rules of the challenge:

Three quotes for three days.
Three nominees each day (no repetition).
Thank the person who nominated you.
Inform the nominees.

Thank you to https://mysecondchancelife.wordpress.com who nominated me!

Today I am nominating:

https://maggiecarlise.wordpress.com

https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

https://celiaelaine.wordpress.com

 

Others too…

At dinner last night with a few old high school friends (I use “old” very loosely here!), discussion filled with separations, divorce, and pregnancies. One friend separated when I did, but has since officially divorced. Last week she prepared dinner for her ex-husband and her boyfriend who sat with her two boys at the table. What a gift!! There are so many beautiful, amazing lessons that sat in abundance. Christmas was spent with her ex-in-law’s and her family AT her ex-husband’s house. She said it was wonderful.

There is something to be said about finding AND delivering peace during a time when one would think peace is not anywhere to be found. Her actions are modes of paying it forward.   Means in which possibilities, positive possibilities, can open up…and spread.

And this is one I hope does spread….like wild fire.

The Other Side..

My oldest son has started High School. I’d be lying if I said he has had a smooth transition. I’ve watched him feel anxious, scared, and hesitant. Actually, I felt it with him. It’s so hard NOT to feel what your own children are feeling, experiencing. They are so much a part of me. These past few months have created such a life long lesson for him, however. He will know he can work through challenges. He will know running away is never the answer. Perseverance is key. Breaking outside your comfort zone is key. He is stronger. It’s important to mention he chose to go to a High School where he knew few kids. The time of the decision was step one in him making a choice that was best for him, despite what his best friends were doing. Reality is he may choose, come the end of the year, to transfer to the main High School. But by then, the lessons, they will have been taught. He will be on the other side.