My head spins with emotion. D must make his college decision by this Monday. We had a rich conversation the other night. And oh how this filled me. In ways I tiptoed around the words, the engagement, for fear it would end sooner than I wished.

Bright and stronger than he realizes, D is on the verge of his next life journey. He has no time for me, or rather desires no time with me. This hurts me to my core. I know logically this is healthy. His friends are his world. And he is consciously trying to separate and prepare himself for this incredible change that is waiting to unfold. But it still hurts.

My first born son who I sang to every night and rubbed his head is grown. He now awkwardly gives me a hug as though it’s foreign to him. When all I want to do is squeeze him so tightly. Even now as I right this, I can’t help but cry. How I love this boy so very much. How proud I am of him. How worried, how I hold my breath for him, how I am in shock at how fast this time has come.

As much as I tried to teach him and parent him and help him grow, he taught me as well. This boy helped me grow as a person.

The countdown begins. These next few months will be filled with so much emotion. He’s ready, hesitantly I know. But it is I that I am not sure will ever be truly ready.


Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 2

Being a mom has become a dream come true. An intense range of emotions. A myriad of feelings. A puzzle, a challenge, a journey, a gift. It’s what I have always wanted to be.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”
― Donna Ball


Rules of the challenge:

Three quotes for three days.
Three nominees each day (no repetition).
Thank the person who nominated you.
Inform the nominees.

Thank you to who nominated me!

Today I am nominating:


Most Confidently?

Walking forward, steadily trying to hold head high

Most Confidently?

Subtle pushes, this way and that

Lingering thoughts emerge, threaten to unsteady

Ignore? Muddle through? Daydream away…

Optimistic, nervous, feelings of guilt

All in one, surround

Like a mime, invisibility is everywhere

Choices, paths, journey

Second by second

moment by moment

day by day

Most confidently!

On Being a Mom…

What’s it like to be a mom?

It’s extremes of emotions. I’d be lying if I said my boys do not ever make me so very angry or frustrated. Oh, but the love. The love I feel for them both. It’s bursting. The vastness of love I never knew before being a mom.

It’s connectedness. When my boys feel such strong emotions as hurt, anxiety, pure happiness, I feel it too. They once were both literally connected to me, my body. And somehow, in some amazing way, they both still are despite the physical cord no longer being attached.

It’s learning. Every single day, I am learning. Both boys seem to present me with what seems like pop quizzes in the class of parenting. While I admittedly do not pass all, I do my best in the moment. And always reflect back on how I can do better.

It’s giving. Never has it felt so beautiful to give to someone or something as it has to give to my children. In giving to them, I hope it positively trickles to the world however small it may be.

Being a mom is the ultimate journey. One that does not lead to a destination, but provides a continuous ride. A ride that may not always be smooth. But one that has been and is certain to continue to be, the best ride of my life.

I thank my children for giving me the title of “Mom.” It’s been a dream come true.

Happy Mother’s Day!


Some days it is an out of body experience. As if I am floating through my life but not connected. And yet some days I am completely grounded. Solid. Certain. I have become an expert observer of my own life. All of the not-so-good-moments I had allowed to fill me, I now observe…from a distance. I have learned my emotion, my energy, whether positive or negative does directly affect my children. They too are learning, observing, soaking it all in. What do I want to teach them? What do I want them to feel? Maybe it’s as simple as challenges lead to growth, that change does not necessarily mean defeat, that sometimes doing the right thing can be the hardest thing.

An Unlikely Path…

Is separating the same as quitting? When parents decide to separate does that equate to selfishness? I stood in front of 225 of my closest friends and family and vowed forever to my husband. That was nearly 15 years ago. Two beautiful boys, a wonderful home, and a seemingly seamless life and we find ourselves Here.  Here is a place I fought hard not to ever reach. Here is not what I had planned. In fact, Here, is completely opposite of all that I believed and hoped for in my life.  So am I quitting? Am I being selfish? Well, about a year and a half ago I found Here staring me in the face. Initially, even I looked at my life like an outsider. I wasn’t acknowledging the many layers  that landed us both Here. But, I have started to peel the layers away, surround myself with positive people and discover that being Here is not quitting nor is it being selfish. It’s about discovery, awakening, clarity, and yes, love.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go.” – Hermann Hesse