Messages

I once wrote about wishing I could go forward in time to see my boys okay – as a way of giving me peace today. Having a knowledge that in the end, it will all be okay. Lately, I have been having discussions with T, in response to his observations about his father, about life really and people. Truthfully, I have found it somewhat difficult walking a fine line between speaking negatively about his father’s actions/words and providing some clarification and lessons. As T gets older and starts to understand more I’d like to be able to offer positive words to ignite a knowingness in T that he does not have to follow his father’s path. And I speak specifically of T simply because of his recent conversations with me, but hope D hears me as well. At the moment D is muddled in between being a 17 year old, stubborn, on-the-verge-of-fleeing-the-nest-but-keeping-one-foot-cautiously-in-the-door, defiant, and yet loving and happy young man. He knows his father, but he so desperately wants his father – on the surface I don’t think D is even aware of this feeling – consciously anyway. I, as his mom, am left in a challenging corner that I have been arduously working to maneuver. Which leads me to the purpose of this post. There have been so many messages I have hoped my boys receive from me and understand and keep with them as they grow.

  1. Always hold the door open for others – not just women, but everyone. A small gesture of kindness truly can spark a light of hope in someone’s day.
  2. Be unselfish in your life. The world is bigger than you and I. Know when you do for others, you actually benefit just as much.
  3. But..remember to take care of your self. When you grow your being in a positive light, when you feed your own soul, when you treat your mind, body, and spirit as the temple it is, you will evoke happy energy.
  4. Your past does not define your future. Every single day you have a choice.
  5. Exercise. It not only strengthens your muscles, it strengthens your mind.
  6. Volunteer. Give to charity. Make a difference. And don’t forget the Starfish Story.
  7. Respect your partner. Take a deep breath and please think before you speak. Words can’t be taken back. YOU own your actions and your words.
  8. Family. Don’t ever give up on family.
  9. Truth. In your life, be truth. Speak it, show it, and model it.
  10. Be kind. Remember you have no idea what someone has gone through, what they have endured or experienced.
  11. Don’t forget to respect others and yourself. We are all human beings existing in a shared space.
  12. Don’t get caught up in the small details so much so that you lose sight of the bigger picture.
  13. Someday if you have you own children, relish in each moment, every stage of their life, plant seeds of confidence, and self-worth, and love in their hearts with your words and your actions.
  14. Go to bed every night saying “Good Night, I love You” to at least one person.

I am sure I could add more to this list and maybe someday I will. But know my beautiful boys, I love you with all my heart. Everything I am and everything I do, is because of both of you. You are my heart. You are my soul. You are my breath. Please forgive me for the mistakes I have made as your mom, but know I have tried and will always try to do and be my best for you. You are my reason.

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Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 2

Being a mom has become a dream come true. An intense range of emotions. A myriad of feelings. A puzzle, a challenge, a journey, a gift. It’s what I have always wanted to be.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”
― Donna Ball

 

Rules of the challenge:

Three quotes for three days.
Three nominees each day (no repetition).
Thank the person who nominated you.
Inform the nominees.

Thank you to https://mysecondchancelife.wordpress.com who nominated me!

Today I am nominating:

https://maggiecarlise.wordpress.com

https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

https://celiaelaine.wordpress.com

 

The Fourth

The fireworks, the smell of the grill, parades, the American Flag, watermelon, and corn on the cob, and potato salad, and patriotic colored desserts. The traffic, lawn chairs, fire truck horns, blueberries, and strawberries, and s’mores. And more fireworks. The Fourth of July. It’s friendships, families, camaraderie. It’s independence. The irony does not escape me. My favorite holiday is about coming together, independently.

The boys will be celebrating separately, by choice, doing what they each love. This alone gives me some piece of mind. For they are happy. Making memories that they will cherish. But my place is lost. Maybe this Fourth of July is more about independence for me?

 

Most Confidently?

Walking forward, steadily trying to hold head high

Most Confidently?

Subtle pushes, this way and that

Lingering thoughts emerge, threaten to unsteady

Ignore? Muddle through? Daydream away…

Optimistic, nervous, feelings of guilt

All in one, surround

Like a mime, invisibility is everywhere

Choices, paths, journey

Second by second

moment by moment

day by day

Most confidently!

courage

Words of others..inspiration

strength

and courage

daily thoughts, dizzy with exhaustion

emotions scrambled

lost?

a deep breath, exhale

don’t wait, let it be now

suddenly, a game of hopscotch

becomes a prom

and at once a wedding, a birth

a life, destined

a crooked path, always eager

for all, thankful

a medley of choice, a woven curtain

to hide, to protect?

yes, for it is now.

What Defines You?

Several years ago a friend of mine made a cluster of lousy choices. He hurt people as a result. Himself included. It took me several months to write him. To reach out to him. There was much to process. Firstly, why did he do what he did? How? But who am I to judge someone else? So…I wrote him…an email. I told him I did not believe his character was so much based on what he did up to that point. I did not believe who he was should necessarily be defined by his choices up to that point. I believed his true character, his true being, would be defined by how he chose to move forward. Would he stand up to falter again? Would he walk away from his mistakes never to learn? Would he blame? Would he make excuses? Or….would he change? By change, I mean would he get to the core of who he was and be better for it? Would he be able to look back not so much in regret but in acknowledgement? In acceptance for who he was but clear about who he is..now? Ironically, there will be people along that path who choose themselves to not forget, to blame, to continue to define him by those choices. Those people alone can tug on his rope that he struggles to use to help propel him forward. It certainly will cause for more callouses, but tougher, stronger skin will result.
Sometimes words can come full circle. You send them out to the world to help, and sometimes, later, they come back…to help. Even when the circumstances are completely different.

The Other Side..

My oldest son has started High School. I’d be lying if I said he has had a smooth transition. I’ve watched him feel anxious, scared, and hesitant. Actually, I felt it with him. It’s so hard NOT to feel what your own children are feeling, experiencing. They are so much a part of me. These past few months have created such a life long lesson for him, however. He will know he can work through challenges. He will know running away is never the answer. Perseverance is key. Breaking outside your comfort zone is key. He is stronger. It’s important to mention he chose to go to a High School where he knew few kids. The time of the decision was step one in him making a choice that was best for him, despite what his best friends were doing. Reality is he may choose, come the end of the year, to transfer to the main High School. But by then, the lessons, they will have been taught. He will be on the other side.