Here

drifting in and out

seeing, only briefly

feeling, minutes

there’s hope..look

it passes by

i reach, but too late

or maybe it was just a shadow

the pain festers

it holds tight..and maybe it needs to

the salty ocean in my eyes

creates waves down my face

and my breath, i catch it sometimes

it helps to plant my feet..on the cold ground

and the dreams, the dreams mock me

i wish

for not too much right?

i hold a present, of love

and it sits waiting, waiting for you

to open

my heart patiently beats

while my lungs hold so much air

and my body tightens

that open field?

yes, that one

please meet me there

D Day

Three days. Actually less. In less than 72 hours, I will sit in a courtroom surrounded by strangers. I will state my name, my salary, my state of health. Simple yeses to complicated questions. An agreement that lays claim to the next five years of my life. And then…I’m left. Swim or sink. Numb and hollow walking down the halls of work, driving down well known streets, brushing my teeth, and lying there. Unable to sleep.

“The way to be strong in any relationship I think is to just look at yourself and the other person honestly. The hardest most strong thing any two people can do.” B.C.K.

This is what I did….it led me here.

With my weakened body and mind, stepping forward into what feels like a dark cave at times, I anticipate. Divorce. It’s everything I am not. But hope and peace are…me.

A Single Word

Amazing how the body can remember. The mind, without consciously thinking it, feels it, instantly. Memory. The response is automatic…because it’s what your body knows. Crying out loud. Tears. Sobs echoing in the hallway. No matter how strong one thinks they are, lurking is always a reminder that may threaten to weaken. This, this space, is where holding on tight, remaining strong, and realizing the gust may push back but it will not push down. It’s not allowed.