50 Happy Things…and then some

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yoga, deep breaths, fall air, carved pumpkins

sleeping babies, running hugs from my nieces, smiles, holding hands

salads, pizza, hummus, chocolate chip banana pancakes

a wink, toes in the sand, surprises, a kiss on the forehead

fresh herbs, burnt marshmallows, a vase of just picked flowers, a thank you

dreaming, reading a good book, HGTV, learning

a strong run, a solid race finish, a good stretch, a massage

a passionate kiss, a beautiful love affair, a gaze, cuddling

a clean house, a trimmed lawn, hydrangeas, a sunset

ocean waves, salt air, meditation, heart shaped rocks

awakenings, opportunities, hope, peace

families, friends, carnivals, farmers markets

my boys, my boys, my boys, my boys

 

Sometimes it’s nice to notice all the wonderful, happy things in my life. What a nice way to start my day! Can you take a moment and notice all the positive things in your life? Positivity spreads…happy energy is contagious. Begin now.

 

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When it all changed

Nonna passed away August 14, 2011. My grandmother. Italian, trouble maker, selfish, strong yet weak…and I loved her so. We spoke most days. She was a friend. Believe it or not, she did have good advice and she made us laugh. Her life was far from easy. This I know. What I have also come to realize is that her negative energy and ways, spread and contaminated. Do you know how hard it is to separate that harsh reality from love?

Anyway, her passing created a major shift in my life. And to this day, I don’t quite understand how, but it did. Becoming clearer, I started to see things differently. It’s much like a foggy window, where you wipe away some of the condensation and you start to see. See what’s real. What’s just a mirage. Slowly, and slowly still, my focus deepens.

Akin to an awakening, the past several years have been most interesting. Such contradictory emotions, so many heavy days sometimes balanced with light, free days, a world coming undone so that it can be built again with an impenetrable foundation. This has been my awakening.

Yes, everything has changed.

The Irony

It’s in a way comical. As I become more clear, as clarity seeps into my vision, my actual vision is getting worse! My friends tell me it’s all part of the “aging process.” Not exactly what I want to hear! I remember my father telling me when I was a little girl how you are as old as you feel. I didn’t think much of that statement at the time. I could not relate to it at all. Now I completely understand. Despite the “aging process” happening to me, I don’t feel older. In fact, I believe I am in the best shape of my life. But I do look at pictures and see the years under my eyes. With that, I am grateful I have come to a place that feels like an awakening long before I hopefully am due to leave this world. I have much life to live. And countless days to work on being a mom I am proud of, one my boys are proud of. Maybe there’s no irony at all. Maybe things are just as they should be.