My oldest son has started High School. I’d be lying if I said he has had a smooth transition. I’ve watched him feel anxious, scared, and hesitant. Actually, I felt it with him. It’s so hard NOT to feel what your own children are feeling, experiencing. They are so much a part of me. These past few months have created such a life long lesson for him, however. He will know he can work through challenges. He will know running away is never the answer. Perseverance is key. Breaking outside your comfort zone is key. He is stronger. It’s important to mention he chose to go to a High School where he knew few kids. The time of the decision was step one in him making a choice that was best for him, despite what his best friends were doing. Reality is he may choose, come the end of the year, to transfer to the main High School. But by then, the lessons, they will have been taught. He will be on the other side.
I am moving forward. As the degree of separation becomes clearer and more pronounced, my mind becomes foggier. Memories have become skewed. My perception becomes jumbled. Visible holes in my every day life will be present. It feels like every day I move closer, I become that much more anxious. Will I break? I try to balance my feelings and thoughts. I don’t want this pain energy to pass to my children. Deep breaths. I remember moments as a child when I would hurriedly try to fall asleep at night to only be done with the day. I knew when the sun came up, I would be better. I want that now. I want to wake up in the morning, and be better. Stronger. Happier. Why is this so hard?