What Defines You?

Several years ago a friend of mine made a cluster of lousy choices. He hurt people as a result. Himself included. It took me several months to write him. To reach out to him. There was much to process. Firstly, why did he do what he did? How? But who am I to judge someone else? So…I wrote him…an email. I told him I did not believe his character was so much based on what he did up to that point. I did not believe who he was should necessarily be defined by his choices up to that point. I believed his true character, his true being, would be defined by how he chose to move forward. Would he stand up to falter again? Would he walk away from his mistakes never to learn? Would he blame? Would he make excuses? Or….would he change? By change, I mean would he get to the core of who he was and be better for it? Would he be able to look back not so much in regret but in acknowledgement? In acceptance for who he was but clear about who he is..now? Ironically, there will be people along that path who choose themselves to not forget, to blame, to continue to define him by those choices. Those people alone can tug on his rope that he struggles to use to help propel him forward. It certainly will cause for more callouses, but tougher, stronger skin will result.
Sometimes words can come full circle. You send them out to the world to help, and sometimes, later, they come back…to help. Even when the circumstances are completely different.


What is Love…Anyway?

love noun \ˈləv\
: a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person

: attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship

: a person you love in a romantic way


The word Love can be used so frequently that at times it becomes a word of habit. How often do you think about what it truly means when you say “Love” or even more so “I Love You.” I think we all have our own unique ways of feeling love, describing love, and even showing love. But it’s safe to say, they are all based in a sense of caring. That’s the healthy part right? The caring. Love is rooted in caring. Sometimes though love in its purest form changes. It becomes so altered that when examined closely it doesn’t resemble love at all. I think this happens when you lose yourself. When you fail to stand in your own truth. As a result, love modifies its self and evolves into some kind of unhealthy way of being. Love isn’t only rooted in caring for someone else, it’s rooted in caring for ones self. I strongly feel love is innate. We are born to love. But our experiences, our surroundings, our past, and even our present shape love. Sometimes in a negative manner. It’s time to stop. Stop and think what is love….anyway?
Today I’ve decided to stop and think about what love is… to me, for me. It’s a happy, unexpected surprise. It’s a smile. It’s words spoken with the eyes only. It’s holding hands. It’s being hugged and giving a hug. It’s my children…every ounce of them. It’s security knowing someone doesn’t think you are perfect but quite the opposite – they know you are not, but accept you anyway. It’s a walk along the beach. It’s sand between my toes. It’s respect. It’s motivation. It’s compassion and empathy. It’s teamwork. It’s breathing in crisp, Fall air. It’s acceptance. It’s unwavering. It’s nourishing. It’s peace.

A Happy Space

While on a run today it became clear to me that we put quite a bit of pressure on our relationship. There were so many pieces that fit but there were significantly bigger pieces that did not. As we struggled to make those bigger pieces fall into a perfect place, we actually ended up putting strain on the well-fit pieces. Does that make sense? Our intentions were aligned. We didn’t want to fail. But what I felt on my run today was a Happy Space. We slowly have eliminated the pressure of trying to make pieces fit that just would not and could not fit. By doing this, we opened up a space which allows us to focus on the pieces that do fit. This isn’t failure. It’s acceptance. It’s respect. What I felt today was peace. And it felt so wonderful.