Giving

I stumbled upon a blog mumturnedmom.com and was intrigued by the weekly “The Prompt.” Writers use the prompt provided to create – a poem, a story, a blog entry. Love the idea. So here I am participating in my first Prompt – Giving.

As I held my first newborn son over sixteen years ago, I was giving. I was giving all that I had. Energy, love, time, attention. Looking back, I was also learning so much. I was lost trying to find the place where I could feel competent and confident as a new mom. Yes, I struggled. But there is no doubt, I was giving – the best I could.

When I became pregnant with my second son, I remember feeling sorry. I was sorry I had not perfected being a mom to D; that I would take time away from him. I now know and realized soon after T was born that my thoughts were not logical. Amazing how a heart can love so much!

Honestly, though, I have cried myself to sleep many a night feeling as though I had failed as a mom that day. I am starting to realize I may never get it “right.” It will never be perfect. Or exact. Or precise. It’s time to let myself just be – be in the moment, be happy, be grateful, be a mom – in all my imperfections.

I’m so incredibly lucky to be a mom to two boys who give to me all the time.

Two days ago when dropping D off at the bus stop, I wished him a happy day as I often do. Just before the door closed, I heard “I love you.” I suddenly looked to my left and watched this boy, my son, walk away. All I felt in that moment was so loved, so happy. My heart swelled.

Last night when tucking T into bed his final request was to let him know when I was tucked into my bed. As I pulled the covers over me, I did just that. And I heard “OK. Good Night Mom. I love you.” Giving.

I will always give to my boys. My heart, my love, my time, my thoughts. And so it seems, my boys are doing the same for me.

 

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Giving

  1. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says:

    Beautiful thoughts. I struggled when I had my second too, always feeling like one or the other was always getting the short end of the stick. It wasn’t until I saw them lying on a blanket one day smiling at each other that I realized they may not be getting 100% of my attention, but they had each other and they wouldn’t trade that for the world.
    #theprompt

  2. Sara (@mumturnedmom) says:

    We do give a lot to our children, but they definitely give a lot in return. Little moments like you’ve described are so precious, even more so for being so understated and unexpected. Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt, lovely to have you join in x

  3. Jo - Mother of Teenagers says:

    This is such a lovely post, it brought tears to my eyes. My son is 17 and every day when he says “I love you mum” I am grateful that my efforts over the years have not been in vain. Thank you for sharing this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s