My Heart

Do you know what it feels like when your child is hurt or sad or scared? It shreds my heart. The moment my boys’ health, whether it be emotional health, physical health, or psychological health, is compromised in any way, my whole existence becomes awakened to the fragility of our lives. As their mother I want nothing more than for the both of them to live a fulfilling life with as little pain as possible. But I do realize pain in many shapes is inevitable, a part of growing and learning and experiencing.
I was running with a neighborhood friend last weekend and she started to talk about when her daughter is feeling sad, she too feels it as well. It’s an interconnectedness we share with our children. It’s an invisible cord that forever connects us.
Although my oldest son is in his teenage years and has little desire to spend much time with me unless he needs something, I still tell him I love him every time he leaves for school, at night before I go to bed, and now and again will send a text message “I love you.” I’m learning as I go how to be a mom, a better mom, to a teenage son. I have already faltered. But hopefully have recovered enough to have sustained little damage. As he “drifts” away into his own new unchartered territory, that invisible cord is still present.
My youngest son will always be my baby. I love his hugs, the fact that he still runs and jumps into my arms, and the sweet kisses goodnight. So the moment they are in pain, my love for them becomes that much more overwhelmingly strong and apparent.
After all, they are my heart.

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