As I drift farther away from what once was my reality, it seems by default I start to forget. I forget the sadness, the pain, the continuous feeling of pressure. I do know I held on to hope. I remember that much. Even from a distance. Every day I would hope for a better, more positive tomorrow. Remember the saying “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover?” That was my life. It seemed like perfection. My life to the outside world was skewed. Honestly, I had and have so much to be grateful for in my life. And I am. This has never been about seeking more. Only about seeking what is best for me and my boys. I have made a list of events I do remember. The events that accumulated to ultimately bring us Here. So I don’t forget. It’s important I don’t. As I tend to fill with guilt even when not justified, I need to remind myself why this is the right path.
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” – Pema Chodron